This is a continuation of a prior piece called One Dad’s Journey Through Fatherhood. This list is for husbands…New and Old. Now before I lay this list out believe me when I say that I am not the best husband in the world and by no means do I think I know anything about women. I’m just telling you about some of the things that I have learned over the 10 years of my marriage and some thing’s I still need to work on myself. Enjoy.
1: Stay up after the kids are asleep and eat popcorn. Much like the face a kid makes when they get to stay up late…your wife will make the same face if you make time to spend with her after the kids are asleep. Quality time without Facebook and Instagram. Grab some popcorn and a good chick flick and relax with each other or just talk.
2: Find out what she likes. You can never go wrong when you know the things she likes. Whether it’s coffee with caramel flavoring and creamer or the cheap bottle of wine. If you remember these things throughout the marriage it will show that you still remember the things that make her happy. In a pinch…they can help you get out of the doghouse too.
3: Make her laugh. We get so caught up in the real world of work, marriage, and parenting that we forget that we were best friends before all this. Tell her corny jokes and laugh together. It will help remind you of each other and the past. A good corny joke goes like this: “A mushroom walks into a bar…”
4: Buy her a membership to a massage spa. It doesn’t have to be exactly this but buy her a membership to something she likes. Whether it’s the YMCA to do Zumba, a monthly massage, or taking her to get her nails done. These things will make her feel better and help to ease some of the tension of real life.
5: Buy her a mini-van. If you have kids…the mini-van is where it’s at. You don’t have to buy it and surprise her with it but make the effort to talk to her about it because I am sure she has something to say about stuffing kids in the back of a Toyota Camry for the past 3 years. Plus they are awesome…from a Dad’s point of view.
6: Talk to her about work. Make an effort at night to let her vent about work even if you don’t understand what she’s talking about. Luckily my wife and I are both nurses and have a lot to vent about at night. It makes for a great late night vent session if you add popcorn (see #1).
7: Be truthful. I learned this the hard way over the years. Never lie to your wife even if you think it is the smallest white lie. It breaks the trust that you have set for each other and it takes years to rebuild. It’s better to be honest, own up to your mistakes, and make up quicker.
8: Respect her. Show her the respect she deserves as your wife. Don’t go out to strip clubs, text other girls, or do stupid stuff when you’re out with the guys. Remember this and believe me when I say that your respect for her will transcend anything you ever expected when you watch her go through labor. She will become your superwoman.
9: Help her bring a child into the world. Mothers have a different connection with their children than fathers do. It’s not a more “loving” connection, but something on a level that is unexplainable. One day, later in life, she will start to talk about babies. Be there for her and give her what she wants. You will see the light in her eyes every time she looks at her children.
10: Tell her everything will be okay. When life catches up to us and we feel down and out…look at her and let her know that you are in it together. Never leave her to fight something alone. Always face life hand in hand. Live life together.
Once again…I am no expert and as I look at these, I realize that I need to do a lot more of this. These are some of the things we have done together over the years and it reminds me of the good times. Take what you want and trash the rest if it doesn’t work for you. Enjoy.
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